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Ask the Experts: Building resilience in childrenFree Access


By Lisa Khoury

Q: How can I help my child cope with the uncertainty of the upcoming school year?

A: The start of any school year can be both exciting and stressful. This year even more so. For everyone, school will look different than it has in past years and uncertainty can produce a lot of emotions. With some positive input we can help our children develop resiliency, which will help them not only navigate the start of the school year, but provide them with building blocks that will help them make successful transitions throughout their life.

Tips for building resiliency in kids:

* Spend quality time together. When kids feel loved and supported, they develop emotional strength.

* Talk about your feelings so your children learn to share their worries and fears with people they trust.

* Acknowledge your own mistakes to teach kids that mistakes are essential for learning and growth.

* Instead of rushing to solve problems, give kids time to work things out themselves. When children experience failure or disappointment, it’s important to praise their efforts and encourage them to try again. If your child can’t find a solution to a problem, use gentle questioning to guide them toward it.

Here are some things to say to your child to help build resilience:

* This feels scary, but it won’t last forever.

* It’s OK to feel worried, but we can get through this together.

* We’ll deal with this one day at a time.

* When people are worried we really need to show kindness and help others.

Self-care tips for children:

Share your feelings. Practice being kind to yourself. Recognize your stressors. Eat well and get enough sleep. Set aside time for activities you like. Be around people who give you positive vibes. Focus on blessings/positives.

We are all going through a lot right now. Parents need to keep in mind that parenting through this time is hard. Give yourself permission to do the best you can and that will be good enough.

Parents also need to practice self-care so we have the strength to help support our children. Reach out to family and friends and seek counseling, too, if needed. Talk to your child’s teacher, counselor, school psychologist, school social worker or school administrator if you need support. They have a lot of great ideas and additional resources. We are all in this together. It will take a virtual village, but we can do this.

Lisa Khoury, Ed.S., is a school psychologist. This column was adapted from an article by Erin Danae.

The Family Center is a nonprofit organization that provides resources and preventive education to empower families to successfully navigate life’s social, emotional and physical challenges. The Family Center is completely supported by community donations. To learn more, visit familycenterweb.org, call (313) 447-1374 or email info@familycenterweb.org.